Minor Set Backs

Last weekend I rolled my ankle. Badly. Probably one of the worse ankle rolls I’ve experienced since the very first time it happened in high school. The unfortunate injury was the result of a misplaced step on a large stick at our home running trail. Audible crunching of the joint was like a shotgun blast in my ears and the pain was immediate and overwhelming. I went down pretty quick. We just so happened to be filming with our GoPro for the very first time so there is footage. [ Luckily I was behind Matt so the footage is limited to me rolling around on the ground in pain *eye roll*]. We were a mile into our trail run, and consequently at least a mile away from the trail head in every direction. Luckily the pain subsided substantially in the few minutes following the event and I was able to bear partial weight on the joint and walk out. The entire side of my foot was a colorful shade of dark blue and the entire joint was swollen by the time we arrived home.

Improvement!

Sigh.

I am in the very beginning, base building, weeks of a 50k training plan. I’m also back to the beginning of trying to make the regular movement of my body a real habit. Each are a challenge in and of themselves. Matt and I got derailed from this habit over the summer. Together we have dealt with so many changes in the last 9 months. From him moving halfway across the country so we can be together and consequently living together for the first time, a new and time consuming job for him, to buying our first house and another move, to adopting a special needs puppy. So many new adjustments and changes meant that, right or wrong, our favorite activities got pushed to the back of our minds and our priorities.

Unfortunately I think the shift in these priorities probably added more to my level of stress than detracting from it like I thought it would. These are the activities that make me feel strong and accomplished and its this physical activity that helps me manage my stress and anxiety. I’ve always known this, but for some reason I thought I could get by without it this time? Silly silly me. The consequence was a period of time spent trying to numb the stress and anxiety I was feeling. (On reflection… ) My favorite numbing tool is Netflix, this time around it was Gilmore Girls. It is probably not a shock to you that this was not productive or successful. It resulted in weight gain, sluggishness, worsened anxiety and stress.

[ I am going to take a moment here to address that comment of weight gain, because I said it and I dont’ want to delete it. Weight gain is not inherently bad, just like weight loss is not inherently good - despite what society wants you to believe. There are a lot of things, specifically as women, that we have to unlearn related to our bodies. Society and diet culture tells us that the ideal body is the thin, white body and that we should be aspiring to this ideal at all costs and at all times. This is not true. Stop buying into this! Despite knowing this, there is still a lot in this area of social justice that I am working to unpack especially related to my own body. So I tell myself that the reason weight gain feels bad to me is because it signifies that I have discontinued the activities that I enjoy. But I know that truly that feeling of badness is related to our socialization around bodies. There’s a lot to be said and to unpack on this subject and there are many body acceptance advocates that can provide actual education for you on the subject. I hope you take the time to seek them out and I am happy to provide some resources if you’d like!]

Slowly but surely I have started to feel more like myself. I’ve started to make space for that stress and anxiety. I’ve been able to spend time reflecting - just in time for the new year! And I’ve started to try to incorporate activity back into my life in a lasting way. I’ve taken a few approaches to keep my motivations high which include participating in social physical activities (bouldering with friends, running with Matt and friends, going to scheduled classes, signing up for this 50k, our youtube channel) and creating nets of accountability. My two best friends from high school, Steph and Jenna, and I have created an accountability group with each other to keep ourselves honest to our goals. We’ve been friends long enough that we know when to hold space for concerns and excuses and we know when tough love is required to keep the motivation strong. We are also participating in the Run The Year Challenge together. This is a virtual running challenge that spans the entire year. This puts a little extra “team” pressure on each of us to stick with our goals.

Steph is also blogging about her fitness journey. You can visit her website HERE and her instagram HERE to follow along!

This injury was frustrating to say the least. I am grateful that I have put these systems in place from the beginning this time around. *Pats self on back* They have allowed me to keep moving forward both mentally and physically and avoid the common mental set back and resulting inactivity. I was able to outline some actionable steps to our accountability group to get through this injury. Steps that would allow me to heal and continue to build strength in other ways that weren’t directly related to logging miles. This also helps to prevent me from wallowing with disappointment. After all this is about an overall habit of movement, not just running. So a week later, the ankle is looking and feeling better and I’m going on a test run tonight to see how the ankle does. Then I will reassess, reevaluate and keep moving forward!